“Why are you never home?” is a question we all get from different people in our lives. From our children we try to respond calmly and with an educational answer. From our spouse, we may get defensive or it may lead to a deep meaningful discussion between the two of you. And from a worker, such words may just leave you in shock and unresponsive.
To different people the same question yields different reactions. Why is that?
The Torah teaches us that there are good and bad complaints.
When the Jews complained about food when they had plenty of it, that was considered a bad complaint. When they complained about lack of water, that was a good one. The daughters of Tzelofchad complained about not inheriting the land, and that was also good. However, when the Jewish nation complained about not wanting to go into the land ( i.e the spies), that was bad.
What determines whether a complaint is good or bad is the motive behind it.
A child wants to spend time with his/her parent that is the message they give when they say, “Come home.” A spouse’s or workers complaint might be seen as good advice to help the person succeed in life. However, it can also be seen as a criticism for them to actually fail. Almost as if there was a competition between the two. Since there is a doubt of the motive, the reaction could go in either way.
We are in the midst of running a camp in Manaus, where hours of effort are put into even the smallest detail. Yes, you guessed it, the kids complain no matter what we do. They say, “This is boring,” or “We want even more of this.” At first it was annoying to hear, but when you realize the motive behind it, it is easier to swallow. They simply love being in camp, and want to have the best experience ever.
The reason behind everything opens your eyes to a whole new world. So, I ask you, “Why are you never home? The synagogue is your Jewish home? When are you coming home? It is a question I ask out of love and care.
Shabat Shalom,
Rabbi Arieh Raichman
image: <a href=”https://www.flaticon.com/free-icons/jew” title=”jew icons”>Jew icons created by surang – Flaticon</a>
