What happens when an old fight comes back unwarranted? That is exactly what happened this week, when a supporter called to ask for advice. A close relative of his was in the hospital recuperating after a series of surgeries. The healing process had already passed a month, and still with no date for release. During the hospitalization the supporter would constantly visit this relative as he felt a liking towards him growing up.
This relative was in room 608, but what is incredible in this story is who was in room 610. The supporter called as the ill man’s brother had just been hospitalized in the same hospital for a far graver situation. It was not planned by the hospital, but rather by G-d to put the two brothers next to each other. What makes the story interesting is that more than 30 years ago the two brothers had a business argument that divided the two families. Since then they never spoke to each other.
Now that they were in rooms next to each other, is it not time to speak? “Rabbi What do we do?” asked the supporter. When asked these questions it is always good to hear from the people on the location, as they can see the situation best. The Lubavitcher Rebbe was many times asked to intervene in arguments between two people and would often say to speak to the people/rabbis in the place. As they are there and could give the best advice.
I guess the real reason the supporter called was because he was being pushed to make a reconciliation move. The suggestion was to just wheel the bed of one of the patients into the other room and hope for the best. It sounded like a daring act, and although had a great chance for reconciliation it also contained the risk of the anger resurfacing. This G-d forbid, could cause them becoming even more ill. Therefore, I suggested another plan of action. One that works the mind and heart first.
Aaron Hakohen was loved by the entire nation as he always tried to make peace and maintain harmony.
“Aaron had a specific system for restoring peace and ending conflict. He would approach each belligerent individually and tell him that he had a message from the other person. Aaron would explain how the other person longed to resolve their issue and had sent him as a messenger to request conciliation. He would do this to both sides. Then, when the two would meet, each would assume the other wanted peace, and the confrontation would end peacefully.”1
This same approach is similar to what I suggested: Go to one relative and tell them who is next door. Then ask to read a psalm together with them for the ill relative in front of you. And then to read another psalm for the other person next door. Just by mentioning a prayer for their “enemies” health will make them reflect about making amends on the past. Do the same thing to the other brother, and after 2 or 3 times visiting each one and praying for the other start using the approach of Aaron and mentioning the regret each one had on the past.
If it does not work, then keep saying their Psalms every day. Hopefully both siblings will heal and be able to leave the hospital and perhaps then embrace again. We can only do the best we can. And sometimes praying is all we can do.
- https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/4033914/jewish/Aaron-the-High-Priest.htm
