These days it is hard to sleep. Our thoughts are in Israel and really focus on world jewry. In fact our forefathers did not sleep much. You see, when Jacob was finally heading home, he heard that his brother, Esav, was chasing after him. Jacob prayed, prepared for war, and even tried to appease Esav by sending gifts. However, even with all that, Jacob would lie down before the actual encounter and not sleep. His worries hassled him through the night.
Now Jacob was an experienced nonsleeper. For 14 years when he learned in a yeshiva of Shem & Ever he stayed awake at night. And during the 20 years of working for Lavan he too did not sleep. But in those cases, his learning or work kept him from sleeping. When you get involved in something, sometimes you lose track of time, and years can go by without your realizing it.
However, this time Jacob’s worries are what kept him from relaxing and falling asleep. In the past he was a single man and he felt that G-d’s blessings were protecting him from danger. However, now that he built a family his worries fell on their wellbeing. Would G-d also protect them? Would they be strong enough to withstand the influence of Esav (and the world)?
Jacob eventually let’s them go (or they let go of him) and confronted challenges on their own. The story of Shechem, selling of Josef, Tamar & Judah are all stories of initial failures. We can call them stories of growing up. In the end, Jacob’s son’s learned from their mistakes and eventually became great tribal leaders. Yes, they were childish mistakes, but one’s that were meant to happen. In other words, a child is meant to fail in order to learn how to succeed on their own.
I recently visited a member of the community who was hospitalized for some time. Instead of going home after receiving treatment, he went to his daughter’s home for care. Eating, hygiene, and exercise routines were all being implemented differently then what he was accustomed to. Until this point he had been living on his own and had learned that independency was a blessing. Now his daughter only wanted the best for him, and knew that eventually he would go back to his independent life. She just wanted him to succeed in living.
That is what all parents want for their children. We need to provide the tools and let them figure it out on their own. I hope now you can sleep well knowing that you taught your child the skills of life.
