I am sure the answer to that is yes. I am not saying, you are to be perfect. Man was destined into this world to do teshuva, so failing is a part of the game of life. However, when you get angry you actually fail a test from G-d. You see, if you believe that all is from G-d, and that he is only good. Then why would you be angry at whatever happened. It was meant to happen, and whether you understand it or not, it is all for the good.
However, even knowing all that, it is tough to control the emotions that come up when things do not go your way. The Ramban advices his son, in his famous letter that he should train himself to always speak calmly with everyone. By creating this habit, he will be saved from anger ever expressing itself. Think about it, what is the first word we hear from those around us, when we are angry – “Calm down.” By speaking slower you are actually taking control of the emotions.
Mirror theory
The Baal Shem Tov taught that if you see a fault in another person, it is a reflection of your own. The proof of it can be understood in an article by Rabbi Abraham Twersky Z”L. He explains that if three people were to be standing on a street corner for one minute, they would all notice different things. That is because each person’s way of thinking and character formulates a filter for what we see. In other words, we see what we are meant to see.
Being that the human psyche is created to minimize a person’s discomfort, therefore, it points out our faults in others. By doing so, it actually allows a person to ignore fixing their personal ones. The mind subconsciously tells the person that others have the same thing you are struggling with. This way, the person does not feel so bad about their own misbehavior. Therefore, what stands out to you is actually a mirror of you.
The Previous Lubavitcher Rebbe went a step further and said, “If you see a flaw in someone else, do not express anger at the person. It is probably a reflection of your failings. Fix yourself and automatically the other will improve.” You may ask how could one change the other person? It is never about changing the other person. That you cannot and should not do. However, if you change your filter then the mirror will reflect a different way.
Rabbi Arieh Raichman
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